Eau de puppy piss

Last summer I worked at a clothing store in Kansas City. There was a period when we were hiring, and we received a myriad of ... special applicants. One day, I came to the front of the store from the back and immediately noticed a horrible stench. It reeked of urine. Odd, considering our staff was potty trained. I then noticed a scruffy looking man sitting on one of our couches filling out an application. Okay, that in itself is not odd. We have had male sales associates in the past, as well as male stock support. What was odd was that the stench was coming from his direction. I kid you not, there was a five foot radius of the toxic fumes around this fellow. As I walked to the cash wrap I happen to look in Smelly's direction and he is giving me crazy eyes. This continues, with him distributing his frightening gaze to all who were present in the store. Finally, as I try to stick to the outer edge of the store to avoid both his leers and his smell, he turns in his application and leaves. He does remember to ask where the bathroom is.
My boss shrieks and calls me over to look at the application. It was both disturbing and hilarious at the same time. He wrote that he had no transportation, and his references were "Pete and Nick." Literally, that's all it said, no phone number or last name, just "Pete and Nick." The best part was under the question about being convicted of anything. Smelly wrote the most in this portion.
"I was arrested for sexual battery. I went to a hooker and asked if I could touch her boob and she was a cop and arrested me."

So yeah, considering he asked for the nearest bathroom before he left, he was clearly trying to drum up material by getting a reaction out of us. Because obviously he wasn't going to use it to actually urinate, judging by the smell of him, he'd already done that.

Moral of the Story:
Don't pee where you play.